"You and I are in little (our sins excepted) what God is in large. Being made in His image we have within us the capacity to know Him. In our sins we lack only the power. The moment the Spirit has quickened us to life in regeneration our whole being senses its kinship to God and leaps up in joyous recognition. That is the heavenly birth without which we cannot see the Kingdom of God. It is, however, not an end but an inception, for now begins the glorious pursuit, the heart’s happy exploration of the infinite riches of the Godhead. That is where we begin, I say, but where we stop no man has yet discovered, for there is in the awful and mysterious depths of the Triune God neither limit nor end . . . . To have found God and still pursue Him is the soul's paradox of love, scorned indeed by the too-easily-satisfied religionist, but justified in happy experience by the children of the burning heart . . . . Come near to the holy men and women of the past and you will soon feel the heat of their desire after God. They mourned for Him, they prayed and wrestled and sought for Him day and night, in season and out, and when they had found Him the finding was all the sweeter for the long seeking." A.W. Tozer, The Pursuit of God.

I actually started this newsletter last week and put it down because it just didn’t seem to be coming together. I had wanted to discuss house church ministry plans for the upcoming year (you know, Feed Spokane, homeless outreach, another neighborhood block party in West Central and more) and had several descriptions written up. But something seemed to be missing. So I canned it. Now I think I understand why.

For the past 11 years I have begun each year with a 40 day season of fasting & prayer, and this year is no exception. Fasting before, during or immediately after holidays is always problematic. Before and during the holidays people are continually confronting you with opportunities to eat (eat, graze, gorge, stuff, pig out . . . choose your own description). Fasting immediately following a holiday is hard because you now have a refrigerator of leftovers that you can’t help feeling either tempted by or guilty for neglecting (all that food going to waste). Oh, well, welcome to my world. Then, on top of that, our wedding anniversary falls at the end of the first week of January. Trust me, you don’t make it to celebrate your 29^th wedding anniversary by telling your bride that you can’t go to dinner and celebrate your wedding because you’re "fasting, praying and seeking the Lord" (Right. Sorry, but when mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!).

O.K., these issues not withstanding (and being unable to afford a decent Christian counselor), it’s that time of my year again. I confess that I’ve been somewhat conflicted this year as to the what’s, why’s and wherefore’s of this season of fasting. You’d think that after 11 years of this I would have all of this figured out, but alas, I’m not the sharpest knife in the drawer, and sometimes the fog of spiritual battle leaves me wondering exactly what’s going on. To add to that "confusion" most books & teaching on fasting today are shamelessly agenda driven. You know, "How to have ‘atomic power’ with God," or "How to break spiritual bondages" or "How to get God to do what you want"; that kind of stuff. The problem is that you can’t sell a book on fasting entitled, "How to Fast, Pray And Get Nothing In Particular." People want books which promise quick and simple spiritual formulas for greatness, not life lessons on the biblical disciplines necessary for greater spiritual depth and intimacy with God.

In the midst of my "existential conflictedness" (sorry, that just sounds really cool) I had coffee on New Years Day with John, one of the prophetic intercessors in our house church. John is quiet and reserve, a listening heart who drives a city bus for a living. He told me that the Lord had awakened him around 3 in the morning with some words and verses for me. One was for our son who is going through some struggles. "Time to let go, dad, and give him over to God." Then John gave me eight verses which the Lord had given him for me. As I read them I realized that through these verses God was giving me the focus for my season of fasting & prayer.

Just as house church isn’t about structure, but about values and community, so too, fasting isn’t about power with God, but about intimacy and relationship. We don’t really fast and pray to transform a church or a community. We fast and pray to allow God to transform us into the kind of people whom He can use to transform a church or a community. Fasting isn’t really about asking God to send spiritual awakening or revival (although I’ve certainly spent time fasting and praying for that). Fasting’s about allowing God to make us the kind of people to whom He can send revival without having to compete with us for the glory that is rightfully His.

And over the years I’ve also learned that fasting really isn’t about spiritual warfare. Every time I have entered into a prolonged season of fasting I have encountered markedly increased spiritual warfare. But fasting really isn’t about spiritual warfare. It’s about intimacy with God. And greater intimacy with God almost inevitably results in increased spiritual warfare because we are now more of a threat to what it is the enemy wants to do in this world. Graham Cooke expressed this well in a talk that is posted on our School of 5-Fold Ministry page on our website (see "House Church Resources"). He wasn’t speaking about fasting, but about the nature of the spiritual battle. But his observations are applicable to fasting as well. Here’s what he said

Eleven years ago, when God first opened up a ministry of fasting & prayer in my life (August, 1995. Yep, I remember the date, time and place. Certain things stay with you), it was a very clear call to fast and pray for revival. But this past year has been a year of transition for me. After ten years of doing two forty day fasts each year (one early in each year and one in the fall), not eating breakfast and often setting aside Fridays and part of a "Friday Fasting Covenant" with prayer friends, things changed this year. It’s hard to describe, so I’ll try to illustrate. There’s a statue of George Washington in the Rotunda of the Virginia State Capital by French sculptor Jean Antoine Houdon. In the statue Washington is portrayed as shedding his General’s cape and taking up a common walking stick. It represents the transition from being a general and a soldier to simply being a citizen once again - from a sword to a walking stick. I think I understand. This past year the Lord "released" me. He transitioned me from a call to fast and pray and "war" for revival to fasting and praying for intimacy. At the listening conference in Austin last spring, when Wolfgang Simpson handed me a walking stick and said, "Here. This for you. Meditate on this," it was a personally significant moment. Swords are for the battle. Walking sticks are for the journey. For me, the spiritual battle for revival and spiritual outpouring in Spokane has ended. The answer to the matter is now in God’s hands and we await the outcome . . . and the outpouring on whatever terms God deems fit. God has released me and replaced my sword with a walking stick. For me, my greatly reduced fasting schedule is not about spiritual warfare and battle, but about intimacy, personal repentance and a journey into the heart of God, where I still have much to learn. It’s about becoming the kind of person to whom God could send revival and not have me compete with Him for the glory that is rightfully His alone.

And that makes it not unlike house church (I know, you were wondering how I was going to get there). I have described house church as the pursuit of God in the company of friends, and so it is. At the end of the day, house church isn’t about evangelism or any other activity. House church is the pursuit of God in the company of other "children of the burning heart" whose greatest desire is intimacy and fellowship with God and with one another. Like the house church at Antioch in Acts 13:1-3, house church is about "ministering to the Lord and fasting" in the firm belief and expectation that as we do so the Holy Spirit will speak and tell us what to do next. Paul’s first missionary journey began, not with a missions conference, but with a worshiping church which was "ministering to the Lord and fasting."

We have many plans for ministry and outreach over the upcoming year, and I am prayerfully hopeful that some of those plans are God’s plans and not just our "best ideas." But the only way we’ll know is by fasting, praying and seeking intimacy with God in the sure and certain belief that we, too, will hear the Holy Spirit say, "Set aside for me Barnabas and Saul for the work to which I have called them."

Alright, alright. I know. You’re wondering when I’ll stop babbling and share the verses which the Lord gave to John for me. Here they are, along with my brief observation as to what they mean in this current season of pursuing intimacy with God.

"The wind blows where it wishes and you hear the sound of it, but do not know where it comes from and where it is going; so is everyone who is born of the Spirit." (John 3:8) As believers, what does it mean for us to be "wind blown"? Am I sensitive and intimate with God so that I can hear both the loud marching of angels in the Mulberry trees (2 Samuel 5:24) as well as the still small voice of the Holy Spirit in His slightest movement? Am I willing and flexible enough to allow the Holy Spirit (whom John Eldredge calls "The Wild Goose") to move unpredictably in my life? Am I afraid that the Holy Spirit will want to do something unpredictable and radical that I am not in control of? Who is in control of my life?

"But an hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth; for such people the Father seeks to be His worshipers. God is spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth." (John 4:23-24) There is no true intimacy with God where there is no "spiritual" worship. A clue to what Jesus meant is found in the context. The Samaritan woman was stuck in a religious box, arguing about where men thought God should be worshiped ("Our fathers worshiped in this mountain . . ."). Jesus cut through the religious arguments and went straight to the heart of the matter. True worship isn’t about location (or ritual, or tradition, or etc.). It’s about spirit, and truth. Am I worshiping God in spirit, or am I still arguing over buildings, locations, traditions, programs, etc. Worship and intimacy are about my spirit touching God’s spirit with truth as the only arbiter.

"I can do nothing on My own initiative. As I hear, I judge; and My judgment is just, because I do not seek My own will, but the will of Him who sent Me." (John 5:30)

"For I did not speak on My own initiative, but the Father Himself who sent Me has given Me a commandment as to what to say and what to speak." (John 12:49) These two verses together develop a common theme. At the end of the day, intimacy means listening for God’s voice and doing what we hear. How much of what I do is me responding to God’s voice & the Spirit’s promptings, and how much of it is simply my own "good ideas and initiative" taking over because I’m impatient. God’s isn’t in a hurry. Why am I? And what’s the difference between "urgency" and "haste"?

"My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me." (John 10:27) Intimacy is all about hearing the Shepherd’s voice. The mark of ownership for a sheep is its ability to hear the shepherd’s voice and follow. There are many competing voices in this life (the world, the flesh, the devil); whose am I listening to and following? Intimacy is about knowing the difference between competing voices.

"Jesus answered, ‘Are there not twelve hours in the day? If anyone walks in the day, he does not stumble, because he sees the light of this world. But if anyone walks in the night, he stumbles, because the light is not in him.’" (John 11:9-10) In this passage the issues of intimacy, urgency and timeliness meet. Intimacy is about knowing the difference between light and dark, day and night. Urgency is knowing that day doesn’t last forever. Night is coming. Timeliness is knowing how to walk in the day and avoid the night, making the most of the time and light given.

"Truly, truly, I say to you, he who receives whomever I send receives Me; and he who receives Me receives Him who sent Me." (John 13:20) Intimacy with God means learning to see His face, hear His voice and sense His presence in and through those people whom He sends into our lives.

"For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men who suppress the truth in unrighteousness, because that which is known about God is evident within them; for God made it evident to them. "For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood through what has been made, so that they are without excuse. For even though they knew God, they did not honor Him as God or give thanks, but they became futile in their speculations, and their foolish heart was darkened." (Romans 1:18-21) Intimacy with God means learning to trust God for His judgments in the lives of others. Intimacy means learning to trust the wrath, the righteousness, and the justice of God. Intimacy isn’t about trusting people. It’s about trusting God to always do the right thing irrespective of my understanding.